Well it's been just over three weeks since we landed in Vancouver with the girls. I've wanted to update this blog more periodically but time just manages to blow by...and Gunther and I are a bit wiped at the end of the day -- to say the least.
The progress we have made in the last week is remarkable...and I'm careful not to jinx myself by saying how excited we are at where we've come from and where we're at.
Yuli -- who provided the biggest challenge to me in terms of persistent boundary testing and attachment issues has calmed down big time. She no longer goes from button pushing to button pushing to get our attention (well no more than a typical five year old when they want to have you focus on them only) but is much more respectful and playful with us. She still calls out "momma" at least 500 times a day to make sure I'm within earshot...but it's less needy and more loving. She showers all of us with "chumpkas" which are kisses...and she plays a big role in helping me to communicate with Fana. The reality is that Yuli really likes the leader role...this was her role in the orphange and she feels best when she is helping me to be the "mother" so to speak. She is so helpful to me around the house -- she loves to vacuum (she actually gets annoyed when I take over) and she loves to help me fold the laundry and polish. She LOVES to boss Fana around. We are working on weaning Yuli out of crawling into bed with us everynight because we feel that the longer we let this persist, the harder it will be for her to break this habit. I don't want her to feel cut off from this altogether -- we let her crawl into bed with me when Gunther leaves the house at 6 a.m. and she sleeps like an ox until about 8ish. Both girls sleep extraordinarily well. They get a solid 11 hours each night which is fantastic for all of us.
Yuli eats like a horse and is willing to try lots of new foods. If she doesn't like it she just spits it out, which is really the most you can ask for. She constantly repeats what i'm saying (especially when I'm talking to Fana) and knows many words...probably about 20 I would say. She can get to about M in the alphabet and solidly counts to 10. We have many conversations -- her speaking to me in Bulgarian and me back in English. Somehow it manages to work. She loves to learn...and I think her security with her new home and parents who love her is growing more solid every day.
Little Fana is also making huge strides in her development. She is still very locked up in her head but she is so much more relaxed and confident in her new surroundings. An initial assessment performed by a child behavioralist has Fana developmentally around a 2 year old based on a number of criteria. Most of the developmental delay is around her communication skills. She runs and plays just like a five year old. She can dress herself, brush her teeth, play independently and is quite rugged and solid as a child. I take them to several playgroups around the neighborhood and she plays well with other kids and is very interested in all of the toys that she comes across. Fana LOVES sound -- especially classical music. She tunes in to any music -- wherever it comes from. Watching her listen to classical music takes my breathe away -- I get choked up watching her because she just looks deep into my eyes and just listens. She goes to her bed independently each night and pulls the comforter over her head and sleeps like a brick for a solid 11 hours each night. They're both afraid of the dark so they need to fall asleep with a night light on. One of the things that scares them big time is the Police...especially at night. Yuli told us (translated through our very good Bulgarian friend) that they were told in the orphanage that the police would come and suck out their brains if they didn't sleep at night. Yuli is terrified on the Policia and whenever she sees our hears sirens she stops dead in her tracks. Every kid has a fear of the boogy man or a bear in the closet -- this is just her fear. Fana is indifferent...
With Fana, we will need to really work with her to bring her up to speed developmentally and it will require A LOT of time, support, love and therapy. Regardless of what labels these psychologists and behaviorists put on her, we know in our hearts that she will flourish. It will take an extraordinary effort for all involved but she is so special and we love her so much...it's just part of who she is and that's that.
We've taken them on many, many outings from playing at friends houses, to swimming, to nature walks, to playgrounds and playgroups. We had a blast on Halloween -- Fana was Pocahantas and Yuli was Cinderella. They were in AWE at the whole trick or treating process -- getting all that candy and seeing all those kids dressed up! It was an amazing afternoon!
We eat dinner as a family every single night -- something many people told us was not do-able...but we wanted to structure for them. Their table manners have evolved significantly...and they stay seated for the duration of us eating which is great -- even when we have guest over. They have met many, many of our friends and are getting more and more well behaved with having people around.
Gunther and I try to be as consistent and firm when it comes to being on top of behaviors that are inappropriate and we are rewarding and acknowledging and praising of behaviors that merit. We try to be as clear and concise in this approach and it really seems to be working with both girls. The time in sessions where they need to be disciplined have been reduced by about 90 percent from where we were at a week or two weeks ago. It just takes focus and consistency and we are actually really happy with how we're both handling it all!
And as far as how we feel we're doing -- well, we feel like we're really a solid team altogether. We work really well together in terms of being parents and taking on the responsibilities required with dealing with everything. Gunther is an amazing dad -- and he has a blast with the girls (especially in the evening time) when he's in "charge". I hate to admit this but the first two weeks of this experience, I was really freaked out and very upset at how things were going. Feeling like I had absolutely no control over what was going on with Yuli was really, really difficult. Not knowing the degree of Fana's development delays scared me big time. It was like adoption post-partum maybe? So I had a really, really hard time, which I'm not ashamed to say, because it has made me stronger -- thanks to the support of friends and family telling me to hang in there, it'll calm down, etc., etc. It's an emotional process bringing orphaned children into a home...and I'm not sure what I should have expected but it wasn't what we were experiencing...that is until we really started to turn the corner in this past week. There's no question we're stronger as a couple, and as individuals, with what we've taken on and accomplished.
So we look at each of these girls and we love them from the bottom of my hearts. We're growing together each day, as we will for our lives to come. We tell them we love them every chance we get and we know in our hearts that they know they've found their home.
